How to share a memory of the person who died or simply tell the family how much the person who died will be missed.
What To Say And What Not to Say at the memorial:
The goal of expressing sympathy is to offer your compassion and concern for the bereaved. You can say how much you will miss the person who died, or you can share a happy memory. The most important thing to communicate is that you care about the bereaved person, and you are available as a source of support.
What could be appropriate words?
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“You are in my thoughts/I’m thinking of you.”
“He/she was a wonderful person.”
“I will miss him/her.”
“This must be so hard for you.”
“When you’re ready, I’d like to get together”
And share a memory and/or any special objects of the person who died.
NOT TO DO
Remember that your tasks are :
- Support the bereaved person, respecting the time and space that he or she may need.
- Make the bereaved person feel NOT isolated in his or her grief.
- Let the bereaved person know that you are here for her or him.”
Refrain from sentences that may be not appropriate in the circumstances:
- “I know how you are feeling.”
- “S/he is in a better place.”
- “How are you doing/holding up?”
- “Now you can start moving on with your life.”
- “I don’t know what I would do if my [deceased’s relationship to the bereaved] died.”
- “At least the death was quick so there wasn’t pain/slow, so you had a chance to say goodbye.”
- “Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon.”
The Unwritten Rules About Dealing With Death On Social Media
Here’s a guide to help you navigate the appropriate etiquette.
1) Respect the family’s wishes at all costs. For instance, it’s the family prerogative to inform about the death. So, never post anything, however well-intentioned, until you’re sure those closest to the deceased have been informed.
2) And don’t take selfies of any kind. “Funeral Selfies” tend to represent the most shameless side of social media, so avoid it altogether.
Instead you can:
a) Share messages of remembrance on the person’s or family member’s Facebook page. You can post any photos you have, recount stories, and respond to the posts people have already left.
b) If you really want to show you care, pick up the phone, send a card, or stop by their home to really be there for the person or people grieving. Because while talking about death is healthy and essential, some things are best left offline.
What You Should Bring to a
While a gift is not usually required to attend the service, it’s considered polite not to arrive empty-handed. This is especially true if you’re close to the family.
Good options:
1) Flowers – they are even known as “sympathy flowers” by most florists and a simple way to honor the person who has passed.
2) Sympathy cards are enough on their own, but you might also include a little extra of the following:
- A gift card for a favorite restaurant
- Grocery store gift card
- Coffee gift card
3) In lieu of flowers suggestion: pay attention to a
notice that may appear on the obituary, funeral website, or memorial announcement. Common “in lieu of flowers” options are:
- Charity donation
- Tree or shrub memorial
- Funds to help with funeral costs
So, at hard times irrespective of how difficult it may be do find the right words of comfort for people who are grieving, and let the person know that you care and that you are their anchor.
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